In Search For an Identity

Many times I have wondered what life would be like witout relatives, people around us and the things that we do. So many times I have realised that people would rather have to do away with those that are close in their lives in order to have a more independent lifestyle. Life has a lot to offer us and if we are not ready for some of the worst storms, we can never be aware of the things that we shall experience as it goes on.

One of the most difficult times in my life was when I got to about 17. At the time, I had a lot of anger in me. I had questions that had never been answered. Why had my mother and father separated when I was young? Why had mother taken care of me all the time? Why is it that my father came back to our lives? Where was my sister during the first years of my life? I grew to be close to my mother because the proximity between her and I was really so close. My father was out of the picture and I seem not to have asked where he was all those years.

Down the road, after the death of my father, I realised I needed to identify with a role model. That is the stage when the chickens came home to roost. Problem is, they came far too late and I had to deal with the issue on my own. Searching for my identity led to many depressions, things I did not understand about myself that others incidentaly understood about me. My study of psychology during my teacher training taught me a lot of things. Identification and the creation of an identity process is a very formal stage in one's development that should never be played with.

Life has had to offer beautiful things. I have known that without a father or mother to get answers from, there is a higher love I can look to. The beauty of it all started when I decided to forgive my parents and start a different line of thought and life. Those are some of the tough decisions I have had to make in my life. I have had to let go of the past I somehow held on to for consolation. The bitter parts of our past seem to give us reason to live in anger, bitterness, hatred and fear. This hurts a lot because the healing never really takes place. Finding place in Jesus' agenda makes all the difference. That's the most beautiful part of my life. I have learnt that I have to let go of those cherished past moments and thrust my life forward. It's part of the game in tis wild world.

Identity with God makes new beings. We get new family, new people to love and new principles to guide us. Giving my life to God gave me a new chance with a new model: Jesus. It sounds funny but even with this new model, I have sometimes had to follow my own path. He still tells me to get back to the basics and start from where I am. I cannot take His grace for granted. I know my limits for He tells me I have a free will. Life is certainly more beautiful.

Most of all, the past has slowly become something to learn from. This has given me a newer identity. Life cannot be any better if we put is moulder and Maker out of the picture. My father on earth may be dead, but God has healed te wounds created by him and his absence as I grew up. He has taught me the value of forgiveness, given me a better lifestyle and a hope that my Father now cannot let me go alone. Time has its way of healing wounds. Through living, I have known one thing. Our identity id got in God, not the people that we meet on earth, not the peer groups we join and certainly not from the parents that give us life. God knws what He expects of us and gives us more reason to trust in Him. If you feel left out of the crowd, maybe it's time to think of where you came from and why you are here. God's reasons are beyond us but they are for us and He'll explain many of them if only we listen. True identity is in God. It doesn't matter what psychology or philosophy or even humanism teaches us. Only God knows us, makes us and realises what purpose for our lives on earth is. No man or theorist can argue against this because they would then be going against the greatest force on earth: God's love and the biggest mission on earth (at least in God's eyes): People.

God richly bless you.