In Search For Answers

A friend of mine was hospitalised recently. She had carried a pregnancy for close to final stage, she is said to have had just one week to delivery and alas, things went wrong. She all of a sudden developed hypertension and lost the child. All ended in that drab gloomy way. I have just received a message from one of my pastors that her kidney has failed to normalise. I think about this and wonder, what really is this? She is faithful, has a loving husband, has tried her best to be the Christian that she is and honestly I feel, she is just what I would expect a successful woman is.

There are questions I keep wondering what God's answers to them would be. When I lost my mother, I wondered what life would be without her. i had m,any options and felt God had deserted me, left me to the dogs and completely given up on me. Thinking about my friend's state, I am wondering, does God let such things happen? Does He simply look on as bad things take place in our lives? Does He even exist to see the pain we go through?

These and many questions must have run through the mind of Job. He wondered probably why all was happening at breath neck speed. He must have felt God had given up on Him and asked Why me? God's most annoying answer to this question can actually turn out to be Why not you? I have heard this a couple of times.

The Bible states in Deuteronomy 29:29 The secret things belong to God our Father and those that are revealed belong to us and the generations to come. We shall never get the answer to why bad things happen to good men. we shall never find out why Israel had to suffer for 2oo years in Egypt and God did not lift His finger against Egypt. It is the sad story that we can have if we fail to see that God has a lot He is teaching us through life.

When I think of the goodness of Jesus, I wonder and I am amazed at Job's words at the time of his calamity: I know my Redeemer lives and that in the end He shall establish His rule on the earth. That is a strong statement. When we seek for answers, what does God say back to us? Do we always want to push Him to tell us what should never have been told to us. Even if He did, what would we do about it? Our destiny is shaped by a lot of forces, God does the best part and shapes our lives in accordance to His will.

I think of my friend and will say, that is tragedy. I know the pain of losing someone. However, I know only God can heal a woman that has gone through cesarean to have a still born child. What hurts most is the fact that we look up to these people as a model of marriage and family life. I feel more hurt knowing that many people go through this and are never helped to overcome it. God is our strength. He alone knows what testimony shall come. He alone knows the burden that we hold. He alone can lift it up. He alone knows the end of it all.

When questions come up about your state, think of it as a trying time for purification, a time for the heat yet to come, but also, think carefully through what is happening. There might never be an answer, yet God has not given up on you. He still loves and cares about you.

God richly bless you.

The Far I have Come

I have always looked at life as a journey that we take. It begins with a small step and soon, we are panting or chasing after something or even wondering why we began the journey. I have looked at life as a process of events that sometimes we are not aware are overtaking us, our priorities and the things we love so much. Look back to the journey and how you started and think: How did I get here?

I think of 25 years ago when my mother put me on the face of the earth. Did I think I would have a multitude of people as a part of my life then? I think of my initial years at school in 1986. Did I think I would get to the level at which I am. A friend today told me he always wondered if he'd finish P7 when he was in P2. Now, he's getting to university to read Laws. To him, it is part of a dream and process God has let him go through.

Our lives are ordered by forces beyond what we can ever imagine. Think of the shapes that you find in a different area, the people you meet everyday, the friends you talk to, the journeys you take when you leave your house and many other things. Is God a part of them or do you think it is just by luck that you are there? It does not happen that way. I remember the time when as a little kid I used to steal mummy's money and I had no remorse about it then. Now I think of it and wonder: How did God get me out of that? So many wrong decisions have I taken yet He has had the ability to pull me through the toughest of times in my life.

Like life, our salvation goes through steps. We begin by eating soft food till we can get to the meat. It is simply designed that way. God keeps surprising us with things we thought we knew, yet knew completely nothing about them. We think we love people till He shows us a different brand of love, that which He alone can explain as His. We think we've learnt a lot about His word an He shows us a verse we have kept reading yet we know nothing of or about it. Does that sound unfair from a Father that says He loves us? Absolutely No! He teaches us one thng at a time. He lets us realise that we are not there, that we are in a state and process of learning and that until He is done, we're not even going to get there.

Thus, I can never pretend that God has taught me a lot that I can learn no more. I cannot say I have become so saved that I cannot sin ever. I cannot even pretend that I know how to pray, read my Bible, practise the best Christianity or live a life holy. God alone knows where He's taking me and I am assured that until He's done His work, I am not there. I can only boast in what I have seen, the far he has led me. But I cannot ever be assured that I know where He's taking me next. The far I have come is my present moment, far different form that first day of my life or that time when I got saved. It is simply a process He keeps letting me move through, and that to me makes Christianity worth the experience.

Think about it and tell me what you think. Do you think you've reached the very end that you can learn no more from God? That's your choice, but I believe I am still and not even about to pretend that I have everything because as John Donne says in his poem 'A Hymn to God the Father"
'When Thous hast done, Thou hast not done'

Simple words, simple message, complicated meaning!

God bless.

Taking The Opportunity

Life has chances we sometimes throw to the wind. It has things that it places before us and beckons us to take a hold of and all we do is to let these things slip through our hands. Have you ever wondered why we do this? Have you ever wondered why every time an opportunity comes your way, you just cannot make up your mind? Well, even in the days of old, people simply let things happen the way they felt they should and did not struggle to have the best in life.



Think of Lot. He had the choice between the arid and dry land and the beautiful land of Sodom. He looked and saw all the beauty that Sodom had for him and felt it was not of any use if he stayed on with his uncle Abraham. I don't know if this was God's way of telling him to get off Abraham's own promised life. But, I also believe God wants to show us something through Lot's decision to decend to the land where abomination was at its height. Lot had to pay the price for refusing the opportunity to stay on as an apprentice in the faith of Abraham. He rejected the best offer, that life must not always be beautiful if we are going to have the best of it at the end. He loses his wife (who turns into a pillar of stone) and his daughers sleep with him(in the name of having sons so they can be recognised as women.) The daughetrs' act led to the most promiscuous of nations Moab and Amon.



Think then of Gehazi. He had lived with Elisha for a really long time to understand that God's ways cannot at all be man's ways. He saw the great things that God had done through the prophet. He saw all the beauty of the hand of God. Yet, one time he takes the opportunity to stael from a man. He decides that what he's learnt over the years is not as precious as a few gifts and money. He saw in his master madness when he rejects any offer to be rich. He thus chooses to follow the way of every carnal human being and does not listen to the voice of God. In his stupidity, like Sarah did when asked about her laughter, he said he's not gone anywhere, but it was too late, the prophet had seen it all. Naaman's sickness dwelt on his body there and then.



These are examples of men that failed to realise that God had put people in their lives so they would be better. it is like an apprentice who fails the test when time is almost up for him to begin his trade. God does not look at where we are coming form. Yes, we have accomplished a lot for Him, but what is the state of our minds when He lets us have a simple choice between what He wants us to do and what He strongly detests. The apprentices in Lot and Gehazi failed because they looked at the moment. They did not see that God wanted them to get to the end of the practical lessons in life. Gehazi might have realised that the widow in Shunem needed a child. He however failed to realise that God wanted no payment for a simle miracle that He'd performed. Lot had seen the love and favour of God upon Abraham, he may have moved with him from the time he was called to leave his father's house. However, he failed to see that in times of aridity, God alone can multiply us. For me, this is failure of a test. It means the apprentice is not ready to be commissioned. It means all the years of hard work have gone to the wind. It actually means the opportui=nity to be better has been lost FOREVER.



Now think again. Vashti defies her husband because she's too proud to be made a laughing stock before the drunk guests of Ahasuerus. I understand this was really way out of order, but you have to listen to your husband and not humiliate him in public. Vashti decided it was time up for her to be queen over Persia and God opened a way for Esther. She decided to drop her name Hadassa and passed for a persian. When her time to save Israel came, she took the advice of her uncle Mordecai to do what God had set in her heart. I am moved to the determination of Esther in exposing the plot of Haman. When she says "If I perish, I perish" she actually means she is willing to take the opportunity and risks involved with it to see what she can do for her people. Esther in choosing the right thing saved Israel, saved the Persian kingdom and led to the festival of Purim. Gpd could not have been that damn to let us see the story of such a brave woman. Her name Hadassah which means myrtle moves to become Esther to mean star. She was a star in every sense of it.



One of the women that amaze me is Ruth. Her boldness made her become one of the great grandmothers of Jesus. Through a Moabitess, God opened the way for humanity. Her word to her mother-in-law "I will go with you wherever you go. Your people will be my people and your God will be my God" always make me realise how we are playing with our own Christianity. The truth about Ruth is that she was willing to go furhter than her sister-in-law. She was willing to take the risk. When it came to getting Boaz, she was willing to do all that Naomi told her to do. She simply took up the chance as it came and God blessed her faith anf faithfulness.



I love David, Gideon, Jephthah, Rahab and the spies, Moses, Daniel, Elisha on the road to the loss of his master, Nehemiah, Ezra, Mary, Elizabeth, Paul and most of all Jesus. I ove the courage with which they stood for what they believed to be right. God did not let them down. The thing is really that each of us is faced with challenges. God wants us to take a step that will not hurt our relationship with Him. He wants us to dare Him to see if He will not deliver. He wants us to understand that even the life we have is an opportunity to serve Him the best way we can. He actually wants us to get the chance to be childrenof the light. If Lot had taken the arid land, who knows, his end would have been a lovely one. Who knows if Gehazi had been contented with what he had and contended for the kingdom and will of God, he may have been like Elisha had been with Elijah. Esther could have chosen to stay in the comfort zones of the palace. That would never have saved her if Israel were to be wiped off the face of earth. Truh had a choce to heed her mother-in-law's voice and if he hadn't, maybe Boaz would never have married and maybe Jesus would never have come down to us.

In all this, people chose what chances to take. The strength in anything is not just the test that comes with it, but the opportunity that God gives when we find ourselves at the crossroads. What do you do when you have to choose between a well paying job and a better paying one? Do you run for the better one without calculating the costs? What do you do when you are bugged by many ladies or gents coming down your path? Do you give in to their desires or do you keep pure? Has God given you the chance to chooses between the base and the higher, the physical and the spitirual? Have you chosen wisely so you can be sure you'll be happy and contented at the end of it all? That is what life offers. When any opportunity comes before us, let us choose the maker of heaven and earth. He alone knows the destinies that are before us. If we use our wisdom to make choices, we shall be shocked at how things will turn out to be. If we look at the starting point of everything in life, we shall certainly get to where He wants us to be. After all, God's favour comes with blessings and riches and there is no sorrow added to it (paraphrase). Look up and be glad you are where He wnts you to be.

If chance knocks at your door, forget the proverb that it only comes once. God alnoe can have the best chances and these certainly will be better. Never wallow in the depression of having made the wrong choice yet you knew the right one. God cannot go wrong. Let Esther and Ruth and all the others show you, the apprentice, what to do!

Lots of God's blessings.

MOVING FOR HIGHER THINGS

I have always been amazed at how I view the world, at what opportunities I have had and all of the sudden dropped them down or even thrown them straight at the wind. I have always wondered why the world never sees things the way I see them. Perhaps it is the fact that they are not me (a plausible argument this really is). Perhaps it is the fact that when they see me doing things they get irated (which is another plausible argument). The problem is that people can never realise I cannot be them as long as we have different visions. The world may be my place for habitation, but may not be the place I am destined for.

One of the hard issues I have had to deal with over the years is keeping my sexual purity. I will not say I have succeeded the way I would really want it to be. I have erred many times, which has caused me a lot of heartache knowing that I let my God and myself down. I have viewed pornography and it almost destroyed the person in me. I had to reach points where I felt it was enough and had to move for the higher things. I think back years ago when I decided to give my life to Christ and how I played with the initial years of my saved life. I refused to believe that certain things in my lifestyle had to be dealt a blow. I just settled for the earthly and believed I could always get back to God and be back on track (Talk of taking God for granted).

I write this because I cannot hide the sexual development dilemma I was in for years. I cannot hide the fact that it shaped me into a person that always looked at life in a twisted way. There is a person in us that hides and never shows up till it's too late. God has ha favour on me over the years and shown me that life just cannot be taken for granted especially when His Son is about to come back. There are people who never know the dark side of me and think I am a model. There are times I have sat in my room and wondered if I am really being the person God designed me to be. That is the dilemma of living in a world when everyone thinks that you should follow them yet you know that that is not the kind of life that you should live.

Life with Christ guarantees one two things: the fat that theyw ill go to heaven and the fat that they have to work for the person that saved them. This means that we have to live the life God has purposed for us. we need to be open with people about who we are because our mission is out to the world. We go through a lot of temptations and yes, God understand that we are part of the world, but He also expects us to do the right things and not follow the tide.

One of the toughest choices I made when I got saved was to leave the earthly things and move for the higher things, the nobler, the sublime. I felt I needed to get where God wanted me to get. I sang the songs I learnt and because of my love for poetry and song, I got inot the habit of thinking really strongly about what I read and listened to. I thought I had my way out. For years I battled with issues about sexual perversion (yes, few people have known about it). I have had to be cautious when talking about issues regarding sexuality and only keep to myself what I think is not relevant for the moment. But, life in one way or anohter catches up with us. The life you've been living becomes burdensome all of a sudden. All of a sudden there is this unfulfilled personality in you. All of a sudden you want satisfaction, which certainly is before you but you do not know how to get there. There is the desire to reach the things of God, but there is the carnal side pulling you and you are alomst torn apart. That is what happened to me. I had to make a decision to either stay saved or quit what I professed.

I think of characters like Job and how they decided to reject the world's demands. Job's wife asks him to curse God and die, just because he has suffered a lot. i love Job's answer because it not only examines the character of his wife but also shows him as a person with rational thinking, one in authority when it comes to issues that affect him and his life. He simply says we cannot thank God for the good things and forget Him when all goes wrong. That is how hard a stance Job took. It is one way of saying He had determined his destiny and there was no way He was going to fail Job, not the God he knew at least. Job rejected the demands of his wife because he saw the picture beyond the present. He felt this was just an earthly struggle that he had to go through and at the end, he knew he had a crown of life for persevering. He did not let the circumstance grant him a grouchy face. He instead decided this circumstance must let him relaise that sometimes we just cannot understand God.

Through life's decisions, at leats over the years, I have learnt one thing. God has never been hard to decipher. His voice is as clear as the air. His word is as simple as simplicity. He has created things that are beyond our imagination, yet He still loves us anyway despite the complexity of the universe. I am always amazed at the calmness of the seas, at the beauty of birds' melodies, at the greenness of leaves and trees, at the composition mechanisms of life. Beneath all these, God wants us to see that life is actually better than what we see. The picture is just the beginning.

As we move on in life, we slowly become aware of the fact that we just cannot be part of the crowd. if we are going to be different, we are going to have to be like Job who saw the plague he suffered as a means of getting better. We have to be like Joseph who saw that prison just could not kill his spirit of determination. We have to be like Paul who despite hoardes of suffering held on to the best gift God had granted him. We have to be like Abraham who merely saw stars and yet in them saw a promise of God. We have to be like David who saw the opportunity to prove to Israel that God could still save them. We have to be like Jesus, who though God decided to step down on earth and become like one of us so we could have a chance to get to heaven.

Looking onto the bigger picture creates the best opportunities in our service to God. I had to let go of carnal things before becoming a better person. I cannot say I am perfect (that would be blasphemy and taking the place of God.) But, I can alos say he's brought me from so far I cannot even remember. The things in the past may be gone, but they always knock at my door. I have a choice to keep them out or to let them in. The past haunts me many a time. I have the choice to believe what it tells me or to tell it to be damned. That is what life offers us. Our choice for higher things not only lets us get closer to the mind of God but actually lets us realise that we can be better people if only we can submit to His will.

Think about your life. Do you think you have accomplished what God wants you to do? Do still wallow in the past and what life and carnality has to offer you? Do you ever want to have a refined mind that God dwells in? Do you want to get God's will and purpose for your life? All you need to do is to reach for the higher things, reach for that which God has destined for you, reach for His will and purpose for your life and above all, be ready to suastain the things that he has taught you. It is a tough world, God understands it, but He certainly will bring us through.

If life has had challenges for you and you have had to choose between carnality and Godliness, would you choose what is higher?